When I broke up with my ex of three years, it was tough. And I mean really tough. I went from planning my life in the new house he bought for us to seeking a small studio space just for me.
There were many moments when I questioned if I made the right decision. After all, it was three years and being alone became a foreign thing.
In times like this, we tend to want to slap on a huge band-aid to make ourselves feel better. This band-aid tends to come in a form of another person to fill the void and make us feel complete again. They are known as a rebound. But how can we move on if all we do is cover up the pain? Truth is, we can’t…
Fast forward to present day. I have a new job, got new apartment that I LOVE, I’m in a happy new relationship and I finally adopted the cat I always wanted (my ex hated cats.)
This all happened because after the breakup, I invested in myself. I began to meditate, do yoga, travel and read books from an actual bookstore. I began to feed myself with love, growth, and I alone ultimately became the perfect rebound.
When you take the time to heal and invest in yourself after a break up, you learn more about who you are with a fresh set of eyes. In relationships, we tend to view ourselves through our partner’s perspective and it’s not until after a breakup when we say something along the lines of, “Wow, what was I thinking?” or ” I can’t believe I let that happen.” After taking a better look at yourself, you become a little wiser and have a better indication as to what you really want.
Recognize that moment and hold on to it.
It takes baby steps.
Remember, if it were easy, all breakups wouldn’t be know for how hard they can be.
For me, it started with 10 minute meditation sessions everyday (or when I felt I needed it). I wanted to hear my intuition, not listen to my ego telling me that I missed out on a nice life with “John” that was complete with perfect kitchen back-splash and a renovated basement.
You see, if we listen to the ego, we could mistake the investment for a distraction and they are two very different things. Going to Miami with your girlfriends after a breakup and getting trashed is a distraction. You’re putting blinders on because as soon as the trip ends, you’ll go back to the post breakup blues.
After a serious breakup, you have to embrace the silent moments to move forward with your life. Yes, travel, but remember to explore. Spend time with friends, of course, but be mentally present. Listen to yourself and act on it.
My job allows me to travel often, so this seriously helped when “John” and I ended. But I began to notice that I was connecting with people on my trips on a more intellectual level. These were the same people I had traveled with many times before.
My renewed confidence blossomed and I became a magnet for attracting positive people and experiences that included a promotion at work and my first trip abroad (a trip that cost me zero dollars).
The law of attraction was undoubtedly in full force and even brought me to my current relationship. The best part: My renowned confidence and independence are the very aspects of myself that my partner admittedly admires.
My investment paid off.
Can you imagine if I remained bitter and upset? I would have been so closed off to all possibilities and even worse, I would have missed out on him.
For those of us who rebound from one relationship with another, you have to wonder if this new partner (the band aid) has seen you at your best and admires you for it OR…do they love you for how much you appear to need them to forget about someone else?
The perfect rebound involves just you. Take the time to invest in yourself. Fill your hurt with self-love and exploration. You’ll find more than what you were looking for.