Here’s a major misconception around why women decide to book a boudoir photography session.
Many clients, on the surface, are booking a session as a gift for someone else, often for a wedding, anniversary, or their partner’s birthday. But from those same clients I also hear that the occasion is a great excuse to finally do the session for themselves. They wanted to do it for a long time but felt like they needed a reason that was “good enough.”
Why Women Feel Like They Need a “Good Enough” Reason
Why do we feel like we have to justify that what we want matters?
All of those reasons come with some sort of prerequisite, and while they’re totally valid, as a boudoir photographer I’ve been seeing something else happen more frequently: women choosing to do boudoir just because they want to.
But for many women, choosing something “just because I want it” is a pretty foreign concept. From where the family will vacation this summer to the age-old question of what’s for dinner, we’re always considering others in our choices. So choosing to do something just because we want to feels like a really big deal.
It can bring up hesitations and feelings of self-doubt, guilt, or unworthiness, which can be challenging to work through on their own, but especially when you’re choosing to prioritize yourself despite the negative feelings that might arise. The women who move through my studio often bring those feelings with them, but find themselves shedding that narrative and feeling more empowered on the other side of their boudoir session.
What Boudoir Photography Actually Brings Up (Before You Even Start)
Before a session, I hear a lot about my client’s insecurities. It often comes out in how you speak about your body and what you apologize for before we get started. From body hair to starting your period to forgetting to paint your toenails, I’ve heard it all. The common thread I see between all sorts of women in completely different stages of life is feelings of inadequacy.
So many of us carry around this inner mean girl in our heads that lobs our insecurities back at us with vigor in the moments when we could use the most grace. It always happens to me when I’m having a tough body image day and can’t seem to find an outfit that feels good on my body and for my mind.
That inner mean girl can get loud. She’ll tell you that you’re not skinny enough, pretty enough, young enough, toned enough, confident enough, perky enough. The list goes on and on. My inner mean girl hurls the most hurtful insults my way, and I’m betting yours does the same to you.
The Inner Mean Girl Is Loud. Here’s What Boudoir Does About It.
One thing a lot of us struggle with is being able to counteract that negative self-talk.
If you’ve spent years talking to yourself that way, it makes sense that speaking kindly to yourself can feel Sisyphean. This is why the women’s boudoir experience, especially when you’re doing it just for yourself, matters so much. Of course you walk away with your new favorite boudoir photos of yourself, but you also leave with more confidence and the ability to see yourself through kinder eyes.
It’s easier to speak to yourself with kindness after an experience like this. Boudoir photography lets you check your responsibilities at the door and step into a place where your only job is to exist. When you’re in front of the camera, you’re the only person who exists in the world, and it’s my job to make you feel like it with encouragement, support, and a thousand genuine compliments.
What You Actually Need From Your Boudoir Photographer
I care about this so deeply because I’ve been on the other side of the lens and found myself overthinking every little thing. Part of that was where I was at in my relationship with myself, but part of it was not choosing the right photographer for me and finding myself inside an experience where I felt more like a means to an end than like a person having a vulnerable experience.
That taught me so much about what you actually need from me during your session. It led me to completing a trauma-informed certification to learn how to lead sessions with emotional safety at the forefront and to prioritize collaboration and consent with intention. Because when you’re choosing to do this for yourself, you don’t want to feel like a number on a spreadsheet. You want to know you matter.
From helping you choose outfits beforehand to giving consistent encouragement while we’re shooting to guiding you through choosing your favorite photos, it’s important to be led through the experience without pressure so you walk away feeling more empowered than before.
That’s the whole point, right?
Confidence Isn’t a Requirement. Here’s What Is.
So much of what makes boudoir photography meaningful can be boiled down to two things: seeing yourself through a different lens coupled with the confidence that comes from doing something outside of your comfort zone.
You might think you need to feel confident before doing something like this for yourself. But what if confidence isn’t required to get started?
What if the only requirement is something like curiosity? Or courage? Or even grief?
You don’t need a “good enough” reason to choose to do something for yourself. My biggest hope for any woman who walks into my boudoir studio is that you walk away feeling empowered. And for that feeling to lead to you being kinder to yourself and doing more of the things you want to do, just because.
Who you are and what you want matters.
So what would you do if you stopped waiting for the perfect excuse and just went for what you wanted?
If you liked this post and want more of this energy in your life, you can sign up for my free Self Love 101 course!