We’ve all been in the dating scene at one point in our lives. We’ve met people we’ve clicked with. And we’ve definitely met people we had no interest in seeing again. But let’s talk about those people who we actually want to connect with on a deeper level.
Things can be going great. They text you everyday. You’ve gone on multiple dates. They gush over who you are as a person. They can’t get enough of you. But then the unthinkable happens. The texts become less frequent. The enthusiasm is no where to be found in the context. He cancels plans on you last minute. And then finally, all communication ceases.
Many people would consider this “ghosting” someone. However, I don’t appreciate that term in any way. So I won’t refer to the lack of maturity, courage and selfishness as something so casual as “ghosting.” It’s immature. If you’re not emotionally stable enough to communicate with someone about a potential relationship you may want to step back and focus on why you can’t.
Don’t get me wrong, you can go on multiple dates with someone you really really like and connect with. And out of no where meet someone else who you click with so much more. A full on “break up” conversation isn’t needed, as you both were not in a committed relationship. However, it is only considerate to let the other person know something along the lines of “Hey, I can’t date you right now.” Rather than no communication at all, leaving the other person hanging.
I’ve been the girl who’s been cut off with absolutely no explanation at all. And for someone who deals with anxiety on a daily basis this is the worst thing you could possibly do to me.
As my friend said perfectly, “The ‘what if’s’ kill me more than the ‘Hey, I can’t date you right now’ text.” As rough as it sounds, it’s true. My mind can be my worst enemy when I’m left alone with it.
As someone who’s had to deal with this type of relationship ending with no closure, I’ve found ways of coping that can be extremely helpful. If you’ve struggled with the same situations I hope this gives you the peace of mind you didn’t receive from the person you were dating.
Write through the grieving process
Journal your little heart out. It seems cliche, and every blog tells you to journal for your mental health. But there’s a reason why every blog suggests it. Because it works. It’ll be rough to start but once you get going it will just flow out of your mind and onto paper.
Refresh your life
Make some changes, spice it up. Whether it’s at work or at home. Sometimes the smallest things that remind you of that person can really put a harsh vibe onto your day. It’ll be hard, but get rid of the cute sentimental things that may sit in your room or on your desk at work.
Continue emotional and spiritual growth
This is something I find myself doing every time a relationship goes awry. Something about taking the time to reflect inward on yourself is extremely helpful.
Talk it out
Whether it be your friends, a counselor or even a therapist it is always a great idea to talk it out with someone who is not emotionally involved. Perspective is everything. It also never hurts to receive kind words from someone who cares about your mental health. The worst thing you could do is keep it all inside of you, leading up to a full on mental breakdown.
Take Responsibility for Your Emotions
Sit and reflect on your current emotions. Eliminate the notions that someone else is responsible for how you are feeling. This is your own personal emotional response to uncomfortable situations. Reflect on it, and own it.
Focus on the 3 Buckets
If you have not already tuned into the Good Life Project podcast, I highly suggest you do. The podcast host, Jonathan Fields, mentions the theory of the three buckets.
Summing up the theory briefly: there are three buckets to living a good life. First, the vitality bucket which focuses on the state of your mind, body and soul. Next, the connection bucket which focuses solely on relationships. Lastly, the contribution bucket. This bucket focuses on how you contribute to your community and the world.
The main concept is that you would ideally like all buckets to be full or even spilling over. By the buckets being full it means you have equally distributed all your time and effort. What you do not want is for one of your buckets to be spilling over at all times while the other two are completely dry. In fact, Fields argues that it is impossible to have one overflowing if you’re neglecting the other buckets.
Personally, I tend to let this happen to me quite often. Especially with focusing on my connection bucket and neglecting the others. Not only is it not healthy for your mental or physical health, you are also not becoming the best version of yourself possible.
Learn how the buckets reflect on your life. See where you need to make changes. Giving your all to one bucket does not equal happiness.
Being a well-rounded person in every aspect not only makes life better but also moving on from a relationship with no closure that much easier.