I think we can all agree that being ghosted (or shut out) by someone is utterly heart breaking and crushing to our self-esteem. In today’s world, we can easily meet someone off a dating app and keep in contact with them on our phone and/or online.
However, it indeed makes us vulnerable to being shut out. If it happens to you and you’re feeling rejected from a potential relationship, here is how you can move on.
Feel to heal
First and foremost, I believe you must feel to heal. You can feel by crying it out, writing or talking with a friend. I’m about being positive, but it’s not possible to be so 100% of the time. It’s more than alright (and natural) to feel anger, sadness, frustration and annoyance.
Once you let yourself feel, you can gain clarity. I suggest asking yourself: What did I learn from this? In the past I know I’ve learned:
– I’m not the only one being ghosted. It’s sadly become acceptable to do, but something I won’t tolerate.
– Not everyone is ready for a mature relationship – period.
– Not everyone was taught how to confront.
– It’s not about me, but them (let me explain below).
Understand it’s about them, not you
It’s easy to think you’ve done something wrong when ghosted. You might be asking yourself: “Did I act out of place?” “Did I share too much?” or “Did I come across too needy?” The answers don’t matter. Although you’ve been ghosted, understand you were just involved. Being involved is different than being the reason.
Everyone does something for a reason. In this case, it’s about their life and their own insecurities and fears. Imagine how many times they’ve quit on something and other people in their life without any warning. So just remember, there is a deeper reason for their action.
Don’t try to get a reply from them
If you do and are still ignored, you’ll hurt even more. If they do answer, don’t think it will change much. You shouldn’t have to try to grab anyone’s attention. You are worthy of someone who is more than happy to reply back the first time.
If you feel the need to contact them – confront them. Leave a voicemail or send a text explaining how being ghosted is making you feel and that you seek closure. Some might argue, saying they don’t deserve to give you a reason or closure, as ghosting gives you a clear indicator they don’t want to talk. However, I think you should and can express your feelings with the person you were involved with.
Choose happiness
You can always choose happiness again. You can choose happiness by doing some self-care. I enjoy positive affirmations, meditating and treating myself to something that makes me happy.
Positive affirmations are really positive statements we repeat to ourselves. If you tell yourself “I’m not pretty enough” or “I’m not good enough,” you’re subconscious mind will internalize it – making you believe it. So might as well repeat positive thoughts instead, such as, “I love and approve of myself” or “I face difficult situations with courage and conviction”.
Meditating is not about crossing your legs and sitting up straight. It’s about being still and present, so you can relax as you please. You could be lying down listening to calming music or a guided meditation. I enjoy listening to a guided meditation (you can find on YouTube) lying down.
There are many ways to treat yourself! I like treating myself to a nice meal. I also like taking a bath, getting a massage or spending time at the beach. You could also try drawing or painting. Just take the time to do something that makes you truly happy.
There’s hardly any harm in doing so!
Photography by Christian Acosta
