Have you ever been so tired of swiping that you delete the app because you’ve decided you’re better off alone? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone, but you may be sabotaging your dating life.
When you get in your own way, whether it be conscious or subconscious, you end up self-sabotaging.
This doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person who wants the worst for themselves. Usually, as my clients put it, they’re fearful or burned out by the dating world. So, in response to this, they find a way to shut out what it is they truly want: a healthy, happy relationship.
Why? Because somewhere deep within, you have a negative thought that you’re not good enough, lovable enough, or plain and simple, never going to find the right person.
Once you recognize and have the awareness that you’re self-sabotaging, it’s actually quite easy to reverse. If you’re wondering if maybe you’re doing this then look no further.
I’ve got eight ways you might be self-sabotaging your dating life:
Calling it quits to the dating world
It’s easy to justify and think of every excuse as to why you shouldn’t be dating. I’m not talking about the type of person who takes a break to truly grow and focus within. I’m talking about the person that chooses not to date out of fear because they think it’s more painful to keep dating than completely isolating.
There is a huge difference between rules and boundaries for self-respect and self-care. Rules are usually fear-based. They come up as a way to protect ourselves. Keep in mind rules are only used in games. And if you think of dating as a game, well then you can only win or lose. That mindset can hold you back from healthy dating.
Not listening to the red flags
No matter awesome or how cool this guy is, if there are red flags then listen to them. If you know deep within your gut it feels off and it actually is off, don’t keep going with it. This will only cause more problems down the road as things get serious.
Date after date after date stacked up can get tiring, but you keep going because you want that relationship! It can be lonely not knowing when you’ll meet the right person so it’s easier to fill it with a bunch of people. This can actually stunt finding the one because it becomes more of a numbers game by trying to fill a void within.
Creating unrealistic expectations
Sure, it’s ok to expect your date to show up on time and to be polite. But when you start creating expectations that are unrealistic for a first date this can create early resentment. It will ultimately push you away from this person or lead to tension in a relationship.
Refusing to approach
It can be freaking scary to go up to that cute guy at the gym, but doing nothing about it will never get you that date. Avoiding contact with someone because you’re too nervous to talk to them can prevent you from meeting and going on a great date. Don’t be your own gate keeper.
Not respecting your boundaries
If you don’t practice respecting yourself through boundaries on dates then you can end up picking a date who won’t either. You get to make a conscious choice of how you want to approach this. You set the tone of how you treat yourself within which sets the tone for how your date will treat you.
Comparing your date to exes
Not one person is the same. If you find yourself comparing your ex to your date then that can indicate you’re not emotionally healed from your last relationship. Bringing that into an early relationship can get messy. Let’s just say it’s difficult to start a new relationship when you’re still not over your last.
Don’t keep seeing your rebound if you’re not interested
Yes, rebounding is totally normal and it can feel good to know we’re still wanted. It can be a major set back if you continue to date your rebound for the purpose to have someone around even though you’re not interested. This will only distract you from truly using this time to grow within and learn from your last relationship of what you want and don’t want.