In a world where “building in public” is the gold standard for success, there is a lot of pressure to document every single step of your journey.
From 5 AM “morning routine” vlogs to messy behind-the-scenes business updates, it feels like if you didn’t post it, it didn’t happen.
But what if the most powerful thing you could do for your big dreams this year is to keep them to yourself?
In a recent episode of Life Goals in Progress, Nina and I sat down to dissect the “Public vs. Private” goal-setting debate. We’re all trying to find that sweet spot between needing community and protecting our peace. (Listen on Apple or Spotify)
If you’ve been feeling conflicted about how much to share, here is how to find the right balance for your personality and your progress.
Listen to the 14 minute candid conversation here:
The “Fear of Being Perceived”
There is a term that’s been floating around lately: the fear of being perceived. It’s that uncomfortable feeling you get when you realize people are watching you try something new.
When you’re in the “soft” or “tender” stage of a new goal—whether it’s starting a fitness journey, launching a business, or learning an art form—other people’s opinions can feel like heavy weights.
Even well-meaning advice like, “Oh, why don’t you try it this way?” can throw off your creative flow.
If you aren’t yet confident in your vision, sometimes the best thing you can do is put up a “Do Not Disturb” sign while you find your footing.
Why We Feel Pressure to “Build in Public”
The current internet messaging tells us that transparency equals trust. We’re told that to be successful, we have to show the messy middle, not just the “before and after.”
And while there is immense power in showing the reality of the journey, it isn’t the only way to reach the finish line.
The truth is:
1. You don’t owe anyone the “in-progress” version of yourself.
2. Your goals are valid even if they aren’t on a grid.
3. Documenting your journey shouldn’t take more energy than the journey itself.
How to Know When to Share Publicly
If you’re feeling stuck between the “grind in silence” quotes and the “build in public” trends, ask yourself these three questions to find your discernment:
Is this goal in a “fragile” state?
If a single negative comment or a skeptical look from a friend would make you want to quit, keep it private for now.
Does sharing this feel like an energy leak?
If filming and posting about your goal feels more exhausting than actually doing the work, put the phone down.
Who are my “safe” people?
Sharing doesn’t have to mean posting for 10,000 strangers. It can mean telling one trusted friend who will hold you accountable without judging your process.
When does Building in Public Cross the Line of Oversharing?
Sometimes it can feel like “building in public” begins to cross a line where you’re doing too much and it can get you into trouble.
I’ve seen business owners bash clients or showcase too much of their vulnerable moments or “failures” to the point where it makes you as the audience think, “are they okay?” And let’s be real, most of us aren’t trying to invite that kind of reaction from our ideal clients.
Remember that at the end of the day, whether you’re a creator or a business owner, there is a level of professionalism required for people to take you seriously.
There are always private communities or group chats for those more vulnerable moments. Because those are important to have support for as well, but social media isn’t always the right platform.
It’s hard being an entrepreneur and authenticity is important, but it’s important to sit with something first, journal it out, and process before putting it out into the internet. Because, the internet is forever.
Finding the Middle Ground
Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some people find that they are happiest when they are in “sharing mode,” while others thrive in the quiet of a private season.
The most important thing is to stop “should-ing” all over your goals. You can start going after your goals privately and go public later when you’re ready.
You can share your fitness goals, but keep your business ideas close to your heart. You get to choose who gets a front-row seat to your evolution.
The takeaway when deciding if you should build in public? Protect your peace, trust your gut, and remember that your progress counts, whether the world sees it or not.