How I Learned To Accept Grief In My Healing Journey
In hopes that this helps you in your personal process of finding healing.
It felt magnetic when I first held her. We had both lost our breath and had our lives compromised, but with the help of divine intervention and some very talented medical staff, we touched skin to skin and synched up our breathing.
You know the feeling of when you meet someone for the very first time, but it’s as if you have known each other forever? I felt the richness of that feeling upon meeting my second baby girl.
I promise that I’m not romanticizing it and knew how strange this all was in the moments it was happening. Perhaps it was due to our near-death experience, but I’m inclined to think that our souls have been friends for lifetimes.
We lived in pure bliss together for the short time she was on this planet.
One day I woke up to her not breathing and realized the significance of the glimpse that the universe had previously shown me on her day of birth. My husband woke me up in a panic; we called the paramedics and watched the best doctors and nurses in San Francisco try to retrieve her. “I’m sorry, but she’s moved on from this life.”
Grief is a funny thing. You can’t force it, and you can’t rush it. It’s a process of accepting that someone has died or left us in some way and learning to live without them. It’s like a giant hole where the love for that person or being once lived, and now there’s no physical place to direct that love to.
It takes time to learn how to accept grief and let go because we’re so energetically attached to our loved ones, but at some point, we have to let them go too, not just physically but mentally. There are so many stages of grief, and they’re never linear – denial, anger, bargaining, depression but finally acceptance; this is where I am finding myself today.
Learning to accept grief takes a lot of ego work and surrender. I initially blamed myself; I bargained with the universe to bring her back, I lived in disbelief that she was gone, and I disengaged with my community to keep myself safe.
I was falling into a bottomless pit of depression, and I realized I have to do something about it. I started actively looking at my grief in the eye by reading books, sitting with my feelings, talking to a therapist, getting massages, Reiki, and calling on spiritual healers.
This recipe for healing really helped, and here’s what I learned:
It’s okay to be angry. It’s human, natural, and completely acceptable.
I’m not alone in this pain. Many people have gone through what I am going through right now, so I can get past the dark times, but only if I first learn how to let go of my ego with acceptance.
There are many stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression…but at some point, we can finally accept that our loved one has passed on, that they are no longer here with us physically or spiritually (although they will always live within our hearts).
Grief is a part of life, and as spirits having a human experience, it comes with the package.
Every being has its journey, and the way they enter and depart from this world is out of our control.
Accepting love and care is crucial to our healing journey.
Our emotions are powerful tools we can call on for deep growth.
Dealing with your emotions
Learning to deal with your emotions takes time and patience because there are so many variables. The most important lesson I have learned in this process is that I am worthy of all the love and support available to me. While it can be tough, letting ourselves process the grief by giving our emotions the front seat can also be helpful. Let yourself fully feel it out.
My favorite way to process my emotions is to let myself cry. I cried until I could no longer cry, and anytime the urge to cry comes up for me, I welcome it. Our bodies are so good at knowing what we need, and letting them navigate when our mind is at a loss is life-changing.
If you’re having trouble releasing your grief by crying, journaling can also be beneficial. Sit in a quiet room and let anything that comes to your mind pour out on paper without judgment. The process of writing out our thoughts can be a way to release negative emotions and pressures we’ve been carrying around.
The first thing I had to let go of was the idea that my happiness hinged on something outside myself. Losing my daughter has made me realize how to love myself as I am in this moment fully. Grief doesn’t suddenly become easier, and the pain of losing a loved one never goes away, but accepting that this is all a part of the ride of life somehow makes it more palatable.
It comes in waves, as they say, and some days are easier than others. I hope this article has helped, and I wish you well in your healing journey.