Let’s be real. No one wants to be the one to end a relationship.
The ending of a relationship is never fun. And usually, it’s not pretty either. Someone becomes the villain (the relationship ender) and the other is seen as the victim. I know when I say this I’m not alone, we’ve all experienced horrible break ups. I know I can’t be the only one who’s had her tires slashed (or maybe I am?) because of an argument or break up.
However, not wanting to be the one who ends the relationship and have to deal with all the break up drama is one reason I chose to overlook so many issues in my past relationships. My gut was telling me to “run” but my heart said “stay.” If I had only known then, it doesn’t matter if you’re the one breaking up with your significant other, or vice versa. Drama will happen. It’s inevitable.
If it wasn’t the idea of future drama that would keep me at bay from breaking up with them, it was the thought of the emotional toll it would take on me. I’d weigh my options. Deal with the issue at hand? Or break up with him, and have to deal with the emotions of a break up as well as unresolved issues from our relationship? Or don’t address the issue, stay in my relationship and avoid all the mess? I thought I had hit the jackpot of all ideas. I would sweep all our problems under the rug where no one could see them. Downside of that, the problems were still there and only seemed to become more problematic.
Let’s get one thing straight: there is no winner in the break up game.
I could go on and on about what can keep us in an unhealthy relationship, but truth is, there is an endless amount of reasons. Here are a few examples of times I should have left a relationship and didn’t, that I believe many of us have gone through, or may still be going through. I’m hopeful this will show you that you deserve the best, and if you find yourself pushing problems under the rug, know they won’t stay hidden for long.
When they admit they abuse a substance (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
Personally, I wish I could save everyone. I have a huge heart, and a desire to help those in need. Especially when it comes to someone who is potentially going to be a huge part of my life: my boyfriend. But the moment those words came out of his mouth, I knew we would have problems. And oh boy did we have problems. Actually, all of our problems stemmed from alcohol. It seemed like we couldn’t go out with friends without getting into an argument, because he was drunk. Whether the argument was about him not driving us home, how he shouldn’t get another drink, or if I said hi to a guy friend, it always ended up with me upset, and him waking up the next morning not recalling us arguing at all. I felt like I was babysitting, putting his needs before my own. (HELLO, major red flag.) This is where it gets real ladies, the first baby you should be taking care of should NOT be your 20 something year old boyfriend.
When they’re still talking to their Ex
Alright, no one ever wants to admit that we as girls can be “crazy”, but hey, crazy is everywhere. Pick your favorite kind. I’m not the girl to randomly decide I’m going to snoop through your phone while you’re out of the room. Buuuuuut, if you have no passcode and your ex-girlfriend’s name pops up on your screen, I can guarantee you I will be checking that message. *Sigh* Snooping is never a good idea. You always find what you don’t want to see: that he text her “I miss you.” I swear he ripped out my heart and stomped on it the moment he text her that. Not only did I find myself doubting that our relationship was on the same page. But I no longer trusted him. What do you have without trust? Nothing.
When the late night 2 a.m. text becomes a normal thing
I have no problem admitting that I can be a very sexual person when I’m in a relationship. It’s just a switch that turns on, and BAM there it is. It’s almost like an alter ego; it takes control, has an attitude and is very blunt. So yes, I’ve sent the friendly reminder text to boyfriends in the past about sexual needs (sue me, they all liked the honesty). And they’ve done the same. I don’t find it weird. I find it a perk of a “healthy” relationship. We’re all adults and we all have needs. Here’s where I should’ve drawn the line. When the normal “hey, what’re you doing”, “I miss you”, “I want cuddles” texts stop, and all I was receiving was the “r u up”, “come ovr” or “wyd” texts at two in the morning. Not only is that not a way to get me going or romantic, I found it extremely distasteful and disrespectful.
When they’re not at peace within themselves
This is the foundation of all problems. Just as I can’t date someone if I’m not at peace with who I am as person, you shouldn’t date someone who isn’t at peace with who they are. Instead of peace and harmony, you get anger and frustration. These people are toxic, and will try to change how you see things. Only so that they are not alone in their misery. Their demons should not become yours as well.
We’re only human and we make mistakes. But it is never a mistake to walk away from someone who isn’t good for your well-being. Never forget how worthy you are.
Have you ever been in a relationship that you knew you should have ended? Tell us about it in the comments.
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