Many of us, unfortunately, have had to face this horrible thing thing called heartbreak, whether it be from a romantic relationship or maybe even a family member. These experiences tend to dictate how we live our lives. I, for one, have faced a great deal of heartbreak and it turned me into a stone wall. The funny thing is, I didn’t even realize it for the longest time until I tried to open up to someone and let myself be in a new relationship. Safe to say, I ended up doing more harm than expected, because I was so capable of shutting people out when I felt like my comfort zone was being violated. Getting comfortable with where I was meant that I wasn’t vulnerable to the things around me and I was incredibly prideful of the things I stood for which would oftentimes have a negative impact on my relationships.
Writing this topic is seriously hard for me, because these are the things I hate to accept about myself. This particular issue of being incredibly guarded is something I constantly battle with, but have learned to work around. This is where the awful thing called pride comes into play and it’s really never got me anywhere.
I’ve found within these inner struggles of keeping people out, it has only prevented me from getting closer to those around me. These walls that I held up were being supported by fear where I thought I could do things on my own and didn’t need to let anyone see my weaknesses.
When I started dating someone again, I became rather fearful of these walls. I was too afraid to let this person who I would be dating see the damaged parts of me that could be hurt again. With time, I slowly realized that these walls were coming down and I was allowing this person to see the toughest and hardest parts of me, but thankfully he insisted that I trust and not hold things in. It sounds nice, but it’s really, I mean really hard.
“You are confined only by the walls you build yourself” – Andrew Murphy
I had to believe those words from Andrew Murphy. By allowing myself to be vulnerable, I was able to find out more about who I was by being more expressive about how I felt, and it relieved me from burdens I didn’t realize I was putting on myself by being so guarded.
For anyone who builds walls around themselves it totally makes sense and I completely understand, but I’ve found that it’s not always worth it. If you allow yourself to let loose and trust yourself and others, you’ll find some of the deeper parts of yourself.